Dialogue with my subconscious, day two

11 May 2010 (Tuesday)

“Ok boss, I’m here!”

“It’s nine thirty – but you’re aware of that, of course.”

“I know, I know – but I had to clean out Apricot’s litter tray.”

“Because from eight to nine you were snoozing. And now you’re making yourself a cup of rooibos."

“It’s just I felt like I needed it – I have got two or more hours of work ahead of me after all (if I don’t fall asleep).”

“It’s not much – and you won’t fall asleep. What did I tell you yesterday? Come and talk to me rather than going off for a snooze.”

“But I was just so sleepy – and the bedroom was dappled with a soft orange glow from the morning sun and it was so warm and comfy. Aagh, I’m getting sleepy again…”

“You see? It’s your own self that’s egging you on. Come and speak to me and I’ll egg you in the opposite way.”

“But I’ve given up cocoa, don’t forget. I should be treated like a recovering drug addict – I certainly feel like one.”

“Yes, coming off something is hard, I know.”

“So I need plenty of rest, you see. And what’s more I had to fight the urge to go downstairs to get a panfoccacia from the panetteria. It was calling me.”

“I'm not sure how you managed to hear it calling after eating a kilo of bread for breakfast. From now on you can just have a cup of rooibos and then write.”

“And food?”

“Well, if you manage to do one hour of writing afterwards you can go down and get a panfoccacia.”

“Hurray!!! Great idea!”

“But that doesn’t mean you can dream about panfoccacia for one hour as you sit pretending to write.”

“Oh, I never pretend to write – I just gaze out the window instead. Or I watch Apricot as she munches her hay on the balcony…”

“Ok, well, we’re straying a bit now and we’ve got work to do.”

“I’d quite fancy a panfoccacia now – can I go and get one?”

“No. Thursday morning you can – you’ve already had breakfast today and I needn’t remind you that you went off for a snooze afterwards.”

“Ah, it was such a nice snooze! I was so warm and cosy under my fleece blanket!”

“Enough thinking about sleeping – it’s sending sleep vibrations to you and you’re not strong enough to resist them at the moment.”

“I’m in turmoil, that’s why.”

“Yes, ok, you don’t have to keep going on about it. So, to work. It’s now ten to ten – you can work until midday, and then some time today you have to wash your hair. I've told you about that – if you’re a mess outside you’ll be a mess inside.”

“I know, I know. I got the egg out the fridge – I just need to plonk it on my head. (Sigh.)”

“Well, make sure you do – perhaps before lunch. Or before going to the supermarket anyway.”

“Ok. Boss, I’m getting sleepy again.”

“Because you just drank rooibos. You know it always lulls you off to sleep.”

“Aaah, another one to rule out. What is there left for me?!”

“It’s for your own good – you know that. When you’re writing without feeling sleepy and hungry and all the rest you’ll be much happier. You know that too.”

“Yes. But will the day ever come?”

“Of course. Don’t waste time pining for it in the meantime. We have things to do.”

“All right. So what have I got to do?”

“Let’s get straight on with C4.”

“Aaaaaaaaaaagh.”

“I know but do your best.”

“I’ve done my best I-don’t-know-how many times! I’m fed up of rewriting it.”

“But this time it’s a new angle. Keep working on it – something might come about.”

“But then again it might not – it’ll probably be just another one to scrap.”

“But you’ve got to try before you know.”

“I’ve tried and tried – I’m fed up of scrapping it.”

“But as it stands it’s not up to scratch – so either you rewrite it or you leave it substandard.”

“Aaaaagh, I can’t stand the thought of it. Boss, I need chocolate!!”

“No, you don’t. Get on with it.”

“Can I blub?”

“No. Get on with your work.”

Okey dokey.”

Four o’clock

“Ok Boss, I’m back. I’ve been to the supermarket – I got drenched and had to rinse my hair again when I got back. What do you think, eh? I even washed my hair, and not in the rain either - I’m ready to write, rearing to go….except that I feel a bit dosy now.”

“That’s the rooibos, I’ve told you about it before.”

“But I got soaked. I needed something warm. Anyway, I’m not really sleepy – I’m just not sure I feel like writing anymore.”

“Well that’s why I’m here – let’s find you something to do.”

“Yes, actually, you might want to get a move on because if I’ve still got lots to do – I’ve got to go out and get a packet of rooibos and go to the library and the electricians. Busy bee, aren’t I?”

“Hmmm. Well, the library can probably wait – the rooibos needs getting though.”

“Well, if it starts chucking it down again I won’t be going anywhere. I’m not getting soaked again – I’m running out of dry clothes.”

“I don’t think it will. Ok, enough chattering – on with the show.”

“Aaaaaagh, do I have to?!”

“Yes, you do. It’s twenty to five. Stay with it until six, ok? Au revoir.”

“Au revoir.”